Shopping

So this being an awkward humor blog and all I decided to devote another post to one of the most awkward of situations.

Thats right my friends shopping! I am not skilled at shopping, Clothes shopping specifically. Embarrassing or otherwise funny things usually happen when I go so I don’t mind it so much but I don’t do it often and usually try to keep it as short as possible.

On this particular glorious day, I was at dicks sporting goods looking at their under armor stuff. I say stuff because it used to be when you said under armor you meant, skintight spandex, but now they have everything from shoes to hoodies to backpacks. I wouldn’t be surprised if they came out with an under armor wallet! Well actually I might. Anyway before continuing you have to know something about my unique shopping technique.

I wander. Mostly aimlessly, although I usually start out near the area I want, I normally have only a vague idea of what I am there for. So I try not to spend much time looking at one thing. Mostly because I don’t want to be asked multiple times by a sales associate if they can help me find anything. No they can't, I have no clue I want them to direct me to! So I wander. Anyway back to under armor.

I was meandering around the sock department which is close to the under armor dept. I saw a package of socks, they looked like good socks, so I turned them over and started reading the back. Now I guess I was completely absorbed in reading the socks package because when I looked up there was this little African American lady and her kids standing unusually close to me. Close as in less than 5 inches. I thought to myself. “Hmm this is odd I guess she really like socks, or doesn’t care much for personal space.” So I put the socks back.

It all happened so fast!

One minute I am replacing the socks on the rack, the next thing I know she is jumping out of her skin her kids are screaming! Here are her exact words “OH MY GOSH I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MANAQUIN!”

!!!

I thought this was extremely funny especially since all the mannequins in dicks look like Olympic weight lifters, and I do not.

Needless to say we both ended up laughing about it and it makes a good story

well, today my big bro got married... good times. below is the little "speech" i gave at the rehearsal dinner last night. it's funny if you know kurt and I.

My friends regularly ask me (usually in a jealous manner), “what’s it like to be Kurt’s little brother?”

Well, tonight I’d like to answer that question.

In a word, it’s tough!!!

You see, all little brothers have this intense God-given desire to follow their big brother around and do everything that he does…

…and not only do we want to do everything that he does, but we also want to do everything BETTER than he does. So, ever since I could walk, I’ve been following Kurt everywhere.

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Take sports, for example… I’ve chased him onto soccer fields, golf courses, basketball courts, and tennis courts.

On the soccer field, I discovered (to my great dismay) that God didn’t gift me with Kurt’s lightning quickness and killer instinct which enabled him to score like a million goals during his senior season. So I decided to become a slow defensive mid-fielder who specialized in passing the ball to all the super-speedy people like Kurt.

On the golf course, I discovered that Kurt’s phenomenally-large biceps enabled him to hit golf balls about 2 miles, whereas my phenomenally-small biceps helped me become a terrific putter.

On the basketball court, I discovered that….well, I discovered that kurt was really good, and I was just really bad, so I didn’t even try to be as good as him in that sport.

But lastly, on the tennis court, I found the Great Kurt And Neal Equalizer. You see, Kurt could hit the fluff off of little tennis balls, but, to my great delight, his Andy Roddick-speed shots rarely went in!!! So, I decided to make tennis my sport. I still can’t beat him in singles, but occasionally I can win in doubles…

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Sports isn’t the only thing I tried to do as well as him. I’ve also tried to follow him in the area of money-earning.

Well, as most of you probably know, I’ve been losing pretty badly in this area. It all began one innocent spring day when he was 8, and I was 6. Kurt came up to me and said something like…

“Hey Neal, do you want to go find people in the neighborhood who will pay us to cut their grass.”

I promptly responded: “heck no, I’m only 6, all I want to do is play with Legos.”

Kurt was persistent though, and said: “oh come on man, we need to start earning and saving money up for a gym membership, a car, clothes, college, a girlfriend, an engagement ring, a honeymoon, a house, and …retirement!”

I promptly informed kurt that mom and dad would buy all that stuff for me… but he didn’t seem to think they would. Well, apparently kurt was on to something with his “earning and saving” plan… and I think he’s on track to retire in about 3 years.

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On a more serious note, I’ve also attempted to follow Kurt as he followed his Savior.

At times, Kurt’s movement toward Jesus was a little slow, but it never stopped, and today I’m very happy to say that he’s running after his Savior in a dead sprint.

Be it consistent quiet times, scripture memorization, passionate worship, genuine fellowship, or faithful service at church, my big brother is setting an example for me that I’m sure I won’t be able to fully follow (although I’ll certainly try my hardest).

Colossians 3:23 tells Christians to work hard at everything they do, and in the past few years, Kurt has been working hard at the things of the Lord and the fruit of his efforts are easy to see.

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There’s only one area that I haven’t yet got a chance to follow Kurt in, and that’s in the area of pursuing and marrying a young lady. But when my time comes, I know that I’ll do well if I win a girl with half the godly character and beauty of Naomi.

Kurt, as incredible as you are, you really don’t deserve her. But since she has agreed to be your wife, please spend the rest of your life loving her, caring for her, leading her, serving her, and sacrificing for her just as Christ loved his church so much that he was willing to hang on a cross for it.


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You two are champs, and I eagerly look forward to seeing the grace God pours out upon your marriage.