skit script

dear loyal blog readers:
after many, many, many requests for a new post (if we had hired a sectary, i'm sure she would have been literally flooded with emails and calls and texts and snail mail and air mail and twitters and jitters), i present the script to a little skit the kg men put on a few days ago. unfortunately, many of you won't understand any of the jokes. sorry about that, but take my word for it--it's funny.

this brilliance was written by ultra-multi-super-amazingly-talented young joshua cooper, son of brad cooper, who is one of the coolest men on the planet (and a phenominal dishwasher...). young joshua was born in 1989 in fredrick, maryland, and currently resides in fredrick, maryland where he does many amazing things all day long in fredrick, maryland. and he has two rooms all to himself. lucky.

the creative humor was provided by a panel of humor experts, including dsav, dresav, and myself. all of the events alluded to in the skit are true (to some degree). especially that part about bryce's cheesburgers.

and, if any pastor happens to read this, i'd like to say that the average kg men's meeting isn't like the two discribed in the skit. you'll be glad to know that they're usually even funnier & crazier. especially when young bosdosh shows up and decides to talk. good heavens he says some crazy stuff...

dsav will hopefully add some of his own thoughts later...

annnnd, without further stallling, i present the Great Christmas Party Skit:



CHARACTERS

Steve: played by Josh
Neal: played by Steve
DSav: played by Bryce
Josh: played by Dre
Dre: played by DSav
Bryce: played by Neal

Note: the name before each line is the name of the character, not the actor
Other Note: the lines in italics are cues, not to be spoken at all.

ACT 1

Bryce: Good evening ladies. We submit for your approval, a summation of the past several weeks, and the events leading up to this very party. We begin out sketch at a KG mens meeting.

(Neal walks in, sits down)

Neal: ugh why am I always the first one here

(Dre, DSav, and Josh enter talking)

Dre: alright guys so here’s the deal, we’re gonna throw a Christmas dinner party for the girls. We’ll serve food, entertain and its gonna be awesome.

Neal: uhm question… how much is this gonna cost?

Josh: Neal, don’t be that guy.

(Steve enters, looking back through the door as he speaks)

Steve: Don’t worry Steph, I’ll be back in like four hours. No Steph it’ll be fine just leave the windows rolled down a little. No I can’t give you the keys. Ugh.

Others: AHHH stevie wonder, look who showed up, ect.

DSav: Dude where were you?

Steve: Oh I was hunting all day today. I shot this 12 point bear, it was awesome. And I caddied too. Made like 600 bucks off this one guy….

Josh: OK first off, bear do not have antlers. Second off, were you hunting or caddying?

Steve: I was doing both at the same time. While golfing.

DSav: What kinda gun do you have

Steve: 12 gague. How about you:

DSav: I’ve got a (goes on for many sentences of technical jargon) It’s my new casual hobby.

Neal: Guys can we please focus.

Dre: Yeah so anyway, I’ll send out invitations. And keep this a secret, the girls don’t know about it yet. Except Becca, I told Becca.

Steve: Wait, who’s Becca?

Josh: Really steve? Really?

(others sigh and shake heads in disapproval)

Dre: So anyway, I’ll print out nice invitations.

Steve: Invitations? Why don’t we just do mouth-to-mouth?

(silence)

Neal: What the deuce…

DSav: Uhm, Steve, did you mean word of mouth?

Josh: Wow. Uhm so I think we should do real invitations, its more classy. We don’t want this party to be average (hand motion)

Neal: uhm question… how much is this gonna cost?

DSav: (fast, typical dsav style) Neal don’t worry about it. I think I should be the chef. We’ll do a chicken alfredo with a nice sauce, and we can do asparagus, I can do asparagus really well, it’ll be awesome, and we’ll get some soup, some Italian wedding soup is really good, no it is, and a nice ceasar salad, with a good creamy dressing, and we can do some French bread with olive oil dipping sauce, and some sparkling cider, it’ll be really good, I promise. No I know how to do this stuff, it’ll be good.

Dre: OOOK, apparently dsav is cooking.

Josh: I think we should get a limo

Others: oh yess, score, ect.

Neal: how much is this gonna cost?

Steve: I know the guy who owns the second largest limo company in the country. He’s friends with Michael Jordan, I caddied for them once, I’ll get one from him.

Dre: AAAAllllright you get on that. So Dsav’s cooking, josh is providing the venue and entertainment, I’ll put neal and bryce on dinner conversation, and steve says he’ll get a limo. Great.

DSav: A limo, this is gonna be sick! I can’t belive we’re doing this!

Dre: I can’t believe it’s not butter.

(silence)

Josh: Really dre?

(freeze, Steve holds up a sign that says “later, at an admin meeting” scene shifts to Neal, Bryce and Josh talking)

ACT 2

Bryce: (pulls josh and neal aside) Man these girls seem to be really excited about some party, what’s going on?

Neal: The KG guys are having a Christmas dinner party. We’re planning the whole thing. AAaaand I’m delegating the entire job of dinner conversation over to you.

Bryce: MMMmmkay. (classic bryce laugh) And why are we inviting all these random people like Josh and Steve and Julie and Liz. They’re not even in our caregroup.

Josh: UUuuhm yes they are.

Bryce: What? Are you serious? Dude, I had no idea.

Neal: You should come to caregroup more often.

Bryce: Yeeah… well, this sounds awesome. Our little cheeseburgers are going to love it.

(freeze. Josh holds up a sign that says “later, at another men’s meeting” scene shifts to DSav and Steve where all the guys used to be)

ACT 3

DSav: (talking verbosely about his gun again to steve)

Dre: Uh guys, men’s meeting is over, come join us in the other room.

Steve: Ok. (the walk over to the other guys) Hey David, do you know how to get out of this? (puts david in some ridiculous headlock-style hold)

Josh: Really guys?

(others leave)

FIN